At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
