id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
