He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
