I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
