1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
