We won't sleep together?
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
