No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
