My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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