So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
