Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
