your parents love me but you hate me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
