come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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