If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
