They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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