i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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