I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
