My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
