her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
