So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The Olympian is in my bed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
