i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
