Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
