IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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