how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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