I cannot find my penis.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
