I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
