PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
