Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
