I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
