Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
