i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
