Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
