My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
