And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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