what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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