The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
