Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
