Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you traded sex for a burrito?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
