one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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