My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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