Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How's work?
Spinning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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