You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
