We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
