I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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