I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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