my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
