is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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