I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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