Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
