Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
