He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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