she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
