i wish there were pregnant emoticons
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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