I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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