Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
