k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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