I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
