HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
