In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
50% drunk capacity currently
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
