Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
